Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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