Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
