I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
