its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
