Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
