Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Randomize
