a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
