i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
