i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
