It's like a parade of train wrecks.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
