she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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