I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
