You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
