Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
farters have to be the big spoon...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
