she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
