I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
