doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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