I hate all girls vehemently.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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