Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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