he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
