can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
