Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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