hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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