Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
