My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
