shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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