i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
