Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
