I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
