Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
