This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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