If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
