Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
