I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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