So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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