So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
