i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
