i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im six kinds of drunk right now
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
