Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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