When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
