Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
