Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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