and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
