Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
