I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
