you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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