so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
