So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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