shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
