My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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