Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
