Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
