i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
