Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
